July 31, 2009 Friday
The one person in this world that I have the hardest time trusting is me. I suppose that I know myself way too good. There are certain things that I know I have to stay away from because I don’t trust myself around them. For the most part people are not my problem. That’s because I don’t open up enough to be hurt by anyone; something that I am working on daily. However, I know my personality, my addictive personality, all too well. I have to stay away from alcohol, especially a cold beer on a hot summer day. I also have to stay away from smokeless tobacco. The tobacco isn’t too bad, but still I stay clear. I don’t trust myself around those things. I don’t trust myself with certain foods, pizza being the main one. It’s something how things but not people cause me trust issues with me. Like I said, it is because I don’t share myself enough. If I don’t invest myself then I can’t lose, but that is changing. I am putting myself in more vulnerable positions, mainly with my wife, my daughter, my mom, and now you guys to name a few. This is allowing my trust level with me to grow more, although it is a little bit, each day. I hope that one day I can share anything to anybody and not worry about how they could hurt me, use it against me, and stuff like that to stop me. Getting closer daily!!