trust myself

July 31, 2009 Friday
The one person in this world that I have the hardest time trusting is me. I suppose that I know myself way too good. There are certain things that I know I have to stay away from because I don’t trust myself around them. For the most part people are not my problem. That’s because I don’t open up enough to be hurt by anyone; something that I am working on daily. However, I know my personality, my addictive personality, all too well. I have to stay away from alcohol, especially a cold beer on a hot summer day. I also have to stay away from smokeless tobacco. The tobacco isn’t too bad, but still I stay clear. I don’t trust myself around those things. I don’t trust myself with certain foods, pizza being the main one. It’s something how things but not people cause me trust issues with me. Like I said, it is because I don’t share myself enough. If I don’t invest myself then I can’t lose, but that is changing. I am putting myself in more vulnerable positions, mainly with my wife, my daughter, my mom, and now you guys to name a few. This is allowing my trust level with me to grow more, although it is a little bit, each day. I hope that one day I can share anything to anybody and not worry about how they could hurt me, use it against me, and stuff like that to stop me. Getting closer daily!!

Value of trust

July 30, 2009 Thursday
I can’t seem to get this trust thing out of my mind. Maybe I am still dealing with some trust issues and didn’t realize it. I have really looking at relationships that I have new and old; mainly at the level of trust in each of them. We are all on different trust levels in different relationships. I know that we all have some issues with trust, but even the worse issues can be worked through. Not having trust can prove to be a lonely place. But be encouraged there are still people that are trustworthy, probably more than you think. Start looking for folk to build trust in today. They are all around. Of course, there will be those that aren’t as trustworthy as others. But I am seeing the way to build trust is to be trustworthy and to put trust in others. When we give our trust to someone it will build trust in them many times. To be so important and vital; trust; there seems to be so little of it around. I guess that’s why it is so valuable and precious.

Fickle Trust

July 29, 2009 Wednesday
Trust in a friendship or relationship can be a fickle thing. I always want to believe the best about someone, no matter what the situation. However, there are times when folk just will not let you believe the best. Trust is so hard sometimes. Just when you think you have built some trust in a person; BAM! Something happens to really test that trust. But still I keep on trying to trust folk; knowing that it will be difficult. But I try because I know people are doing the same for me. People are placing more and more trust in me to see if I am worthy of their trust. Knowing that I will do something stupid given enough time. But don’t we all? We expect trust but do we give trust?

Trust Level

July 28, 2009 Tuesday
I am guessing that one of the main reasons we don’t establish relationships is a lack of trust. This is not always the case, but when we make up our mind not to have a relationship with someone it seems to be because we don’t trust that person. In time that may change and we build a friendship, but if we don’t trust then we will never have relationship. The only way someone is going to trust us is if we are trustworthy. If we have personal agendas and are only looking out for ourselves then we are not trustworthy. We our goal or objective is to see what we can get out of the relationship then we are not trustworthy. Trust is build on being worthy of that trust. Trust once lost is very hard to regain, I know that lesson all too well. But I am doing my best to rebuild trust in people that I have lost trust in and with people that have lost trust in me. It’s hard to do on both sides, but it is a building project that is well worth the effort put in to it.

Networking

July 27, 2009 Monday
I have been thinking about this “networking” thing. Networking for the sake of it, not trying to build relationships, to me is not right. I am trying to get you to do something for me and acting like I am your friend; that’s not me. To me that is just using people. So when I was told I had to network, I didn’t know what I had to do. Now I know and it’s simple. Build relationships to me is networking. Whether you do anytime, like buy my books or read my blogs, is not the important thing here. Establishing of the relationship to me is the most important thing. It’s not what you can do for me or what can I get out of it, but what can I do for you, what can I have to offer you in the relationship. There are all sorts of relationships and different levels of relationships. I am learning, slowly but surely I am learning.

Full Circle

July 26, 2009 Sunday
I am still learning from this past week’s trip to Jackson. No matter what we do in life when it comes right down to it; it’s all about relationships. It seems like everything I do comes full circle back to relationships. There are some old relationships that may need to be brought back to the forefront and then there are new ones that need to be established. However, I also see that the key elements to any relationship new or old remain the same. Care to guess? They are trust and forgiveness. Without these two key ingredients there can be no relationship. Both have to be worked at all the time. Trust doesn’t come easy; lose that trust and it’s almost impossible to regain. Forgiveness is the same, it seems so hard to forgive, but we ask for it so readily. Forgiveness and trust do go hand in hand; just like grace and mercy. It’s like grace and trust are close while mercy and forgiveness are close.

Take notice

July 25, 2009 Saturday
We all have a purpose and a destiny. You have heard me say that over and over again. Yet some of you look at your life and wonder if I am crazy. Well, I might be, that’s beside the point, but I will always believe that we all have a destiny. You may look at your life and not see the things you want to see. You may not be doing the things you want to be doing or dream about doing. You may see your life as insignificant and/or unimportant. We all have to go through times of growing and establishing a sound, good, strong foundation. The thing is while this is taking place nobody sees us, nobody notices us, we are taking for granted, over looked, stepped on, stepped over, passed up, passed by, forgotten, and left out. Trust me when I say this, you are being watched, but not in a bad way. You are being noticed, but in a positive way. There are folk like myself that take account of and notice people all the time. I have made it a lifestyle to take notice of people and where they are; as in their personal growth.

Getting to know you

July 24, 2009 Friday
I have spent the past two days in Jackson. I got to visit with mama which is always good, but also was able to “network” with people. I met some new folk and got re-acquainted with some folk I haven’t talked to in years. The root behind it all was the book coming out and the one I am writing. This networking as it is called it simply getting to know people. For me that is a stretch, I don’t get to know people very well, but it was been an awesome learning experience. Learning to open up to folk and just build relationships on all different levels is not something I am good at; YET. I am working on it though and it’s not so bad. The point of my rambling is that we all have areas that we have difficulty with in our lives, but we know that it is something that we have to work on. For me building and maintaining good healthy relationships is that area. For you it may be something totally else, but don’t put it off any longer. For those that I met this week and those that I got to see again after a long time; I want to thank you for allowing me into your life. I have the most amazing and awesome people around me right now and I am very thankful for each and every one of you!!!

Pick and choose

July 23 2009 Thursday
I have really enjoyed the time in Jackson with my mom. I have come to realize that life is really all about relationships. I have this mentality that I can just pick and choose who I want to be friends with and who I don’t. Funny thing though, when I get done with my list, it always seems to get changed. God has a way of rocking things. I see more and more that we all need one another. I know that some folk just aren’t going to get along that well, but when it comes down to it, we just need to love each other and don’t let stuff get in the way of relationships. I know that I have a lot to learn when it comes to people skills, but I am learning. So for all that I have offended or upset I apologize with all my heart. Even though it may not seem like it, I am trying.

Can you hear me now

July 22, 2009 Wednesday
When I was at Open Door, one of the programs that I worked to establish was a mentoring program for the students. Mentoring is a lost art in a lot of ways. However, it is still around in some circles; although it may not be called mentoring, we still do it a lot these days. Who are you being mentored by? Who are you listening to? I am a firm believer in that we all should have a mentor and in time be a mentor.
There have been some awesome men that have taught me incredible lessons during my life. I can remember Tommy White, Johnny Waddill, Danny Steed, and Houston Broadhead, just to name a few. These men taught me things that I still use today. However, are there still people today that are pouring into our lives the stuff that we need to know? There are plenty of folk that will teach us the wrong things, that’s easy and anyone can do that. We need folk that will teach and model for us the right stuff!!

confident not arrogant

July 21, 2009 Tuesday
We can be confident and not be arrogant. I have always believed in myself, but doubted that anyone else believed in me. I know I can do whatever I am supposed to do, but never believed anyone else believed that I could accomplish anything worthwhile. It is time that we begin to believe in the ability that God has placed in us. God, I don’t think, would give someone all this awesome ability and talent; then just forget about us. We need to find out what is in us. We have to know who we are and why we are here. However, does the self-confidence come before, during or after we realize these things?

Confident not controlled

July 20, 2009 Monday
This self-confidence thing really gets at me. I know that when I have trouble with my self-confidence that I let folk control me. Self-confidence is truly a powerful tool when used the right way. Not allowing self-confidence to escalate into arrogance is a key. But when we have self-confidence then we won’t let other people control our actions nor our emotions. When I dealt with a lack of self-confidence I found some folk; just a couple, that would help me to build my self-confidence. I didn’t let those that would use it against me get close enough to hurt me at that time. Now, I can allow anyone to get close because my self-confidence is now strong enough to where others can’t control me any longer.

Tub bottom

July 19 2009 Sunday
“Every tub must sit on its own bottom” my grandfather once told me. I had no clue as to what he meant. For years that statement has been in mind, wondering what in the world did he mean. I think what he was saying was; that we all have to walk out our own lives. As much as we want to help and we can to a point, but it is our responsibility to make decisions and to carry them out ourselves. No one can do that for you. We do help one another that is true, but we must take responsibility for our own actions and take responsibility for our lives. We have to have enough confidence in ourselves that we can make the right decisions and carry them out. Something is lacking in so many of us today; self-confidence.

Choo choo

July 18, 2009 Saturday
Every person’s life counts for something. We all do have a unique purpose here. I really do believe that; even though I see folk all the time not living to their fullest. Not to say that they are any less because of it. It doesn’t matter if your life looks like a train wreck it is not too late. We all have made mistakes and made bad decisions. Trust me I have made some insane decisions in my life. I have made some massive mistakes in my life. There are people that will never like me or listen to me because of the things that I have done, but I know that there is still purpose and destiny left in me. The same goes for you, if you are waiting until you are perfect, it ain’t gonna happen. Start make the necessary changes in your life, sure, but know that perfection isn’t the goal. Destiny is the destination!!

Life is too short and too long...

July 17, 2009 Friday
I often say life is too short to be angry, bitter, mad, etc… also life is too long for those same things. Why we walk around with all that stuff tying us up and keeping us so controlled by all that I don’t know. I know that not everybody is going to be friends with everybody else, but why not be pleasant and peaceful? I hate it when I have to walk on egg shells around people because of what they think, what they may say, how they feel, and so on. Sometimes I understand, it is my own fault that they feel that way. Even if I have apologized and tried to make things right; some folk don’t want to make things right. Let it go is all I know to do. I am too tired to try to remember who’s mad at whom, who’s not talking to whom, who is offended and who isn’t. I have been all those things at the same time too. So I really do know how it feels to be all constipated on messed up emotions. But not any longer! Peace, grace, mercy, forgiveness are too good to live without.
A side note here. Five years ago this week my dad began a battle with cancer. Now at this same time five years later, my mom is beginning that same fight. We are much better prepared this time around. I thank you for your prayers; we are going to be just fine no matter the outcome. We will make it through this; for God is with us and I can’t ask for anything more than that.

Still Growing

July 16, Thursday
To say that I have had a lot on my mind the past week and especially the past few days is an understatement of massive proportions. Most of the stuff I will write on here about and some is just for me. This thing with relationships and trying to fix or repair folk has really hit home with me. Also, the fact that people are the most important resource we have. Yet we spend so much time in unforgiveness mode, mad at folk, trying to get even with folk, withholding ourselves from folk, and I could go on and on, because I am guilty of all of these. I will be the first to admit that my people skills still stink. I am actively working on improving them. It’s amazing, I clear one obstacle and there sits another. Ahhh, such is life, I know it’s all part of growing and maturing.

Celebrate Others

July 15, 2009 Wednesday
Back when I was in Jackson I can remember that this week was a week of celebration. The whole week something would be done to celebrate today, the birthday of Pastor E. C. Russell. We would have a ball all week long. We would celebrate together.
When you have relationships you love to celebrate with the other person. It’s about them, not about us. In the case mentioned it was fun for everybody. However, sometimes we have to be the giver. We tend to base relationships on what the other person can do for me. I am finding out that it is not necessarily that way. I often hear “Well, they did this or they did that to me and I am going to do this or take to them.” Relationship is not about retaliation but about giving of yourself to others. There are boundaries and parameters of course, but it is not what can I get, but what can I give. There is a balance, so be careful that we don’t get too out of balance. Like I mentioned yesterday, I have to watch that I am not trying to fix or repair everyone, but just give of myself.

Dent and Ding

July 14, 2009 Tuesday
Most of us have been involved in a car wreck or know someone that has been in one. I have had a few, nothing too serious, but I always attempted to get my vehicle fixed after it had wreck. Even if we get a dent or a ding in our truck or car we go and get it repaired. The thing that hit me this morning was this; when I get a ding or a dent in a relationship I just let it go. I am more interested in getting my car fixed than I am getting relationship repaired. When there is a relationship wreck no matter how small or large, how quick do we try to repair it?
One of my major mistakes is that I am a fixer. I think that I need to fix things when they aren’t broken, which in turn usually breaks them. When I talk to people, it’s not always about fixing or repairing them. I have got to change my outlook on relationships and learn from people. I know that everybody I talk to can teach me something. I know I have some apologizing to do to people that I have had to attitude of “I need to repair you” when that was not the case. So let’s check our relationships and see what shape they are in and make the necessary changes, but be careful at how we go about it.

Grace and Mercy

July 13, 2009 Monday
How we treat others is so important in regards to our destiny. It is important in every area but we are talking about it in regards to destiny. For goodness sake why can’t we treat people the way they need to be treated, not how they may deserve to be treated? We tend to judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions. I know folk that have dropped the hammer on someone just because it was the way they were dealt with. What makes that right? Or just? I am a firm believer in discipline but I believe discipline has a distinctly helpful outcome in mind. Discipline gets the person back on track and back on the journey to their destiny. We tend to just kick ‘um out and throw them away. Remember though, what goes around comes around. I would rather be guilty of showing too much mercy and grace than not enough.

What goes around...

July 12, 2009 Sunday
I read a poem once that said:
There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
None goes his way alone;
All that we send into the lives of others
Comes back into our own.

There is nothing that we do that is for us and us alone. Everything we do affects someone else at some time. Sometimes it’s immediate; sometimes it may be longer. We are not in this alone. Your destiny never is for you and you alone but your destiny involves other people. Everything that you invest into someone else will come back to you one day. Be very, very careful what you invest into someone else’s life. Pour into them positive, encouraging, meaningful, helpful stuff. I see so many people will issues that come from other people. I myself have had to deal with issues that were the result of what others invested in me. Sow love and you will reap love, sow bitterness and you will reap bitterness. Let’s work together in this, help one another in this. Because we are all in this together.

today determines tomorrow

July 11, 2009 Saturday
When we are making our decisions that determine our destination, we have to realize that what we do today determines where we are tomorrow. What is written today will be read tomorrow is one of my motto’s. Most of the time with this blog, what you are reading today was yesterday. The same is true in life; the decisions you make today will determine your direction tomorrow. It is so hard for us to understand this when we are young. Sometimes I still have problems with it, must mean I am still young, huh?
Anyhow, remember that what you are doing right now today, whether anyone knows about it or not, will determine your tomorrow. It may not always be in 24 hour increments, but there is escaping it. I live by the silver rule; you will reap and reap more than you sow. Another way of saying it is; what goes around comes around. So make sure you are making wise, smart, intelligent decisions today because the results of them will come see you tomorrow.

set your course

July 10, 2009 Friday
Continuing from yesterday; talking about decisions lead to direction leads to destiny. Never let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough to accomplish your destiny. If you know that you are destined to accomplish a certain goal in life; then never let someone talk you out of it. The key here is; know it is what you are supposed to do. Make sure it is in line with the overall good of yourself and others. Then set your focus on it and don’t let up.
Setting your course or direction is very important. You will have adversity along the way; there will be some hiccups that you will have to overcome. But don’t get sidetracked and off course. Keep you focus on what lies ahead, not so much on what is behind. If your past is clearer than your future, something is wrong. If yesterday is what you live on; then something is out of line. We draw from the past, but we don’t live from it. Don’t be like the Springsteen’s song, “Glory Days”!

D=D=D

July 9, 2009 Thursday
I have a book, as many of you know, at the editor now; Embrace Your Destiny. I haven’t look at it for a month or so now. I have been putting together another project. But the past couple of days I have been thinking back about destiny and how to reach it. If we were in church I would call it Decisions = Direction = Destiny. If we were in church…
I have heard many times that the world is full of good intentions. I have found that this is true. Many of us intent to do great things, we have dreams; we have goals, but never make the decision to do it. The point of it is, our decisions will determine our direction which in turn determines our destiny. We can have great intentions but if we never make the decision to act on the intention and put it in action we will never have direction. We will just sit still or go around in circles. So step one is to make the decisions necessary to get our direction. If we want to get from Tuscaloosa to Orange Beach, then we need to make the decision to go and then head south. If we get on the road heading north we aren’t going to be sunning at Orange Beach eating at Lulu’s.
Make the decision then get your direction. Decisions then Direction then Destiny.

do the impossible

July 8, 2009 Wednesday
We have been talking about when life is unfair, how to respond. We respond by not giving up, but keep on driving forward. You have what it takes to accomplish your goals; that is, if you have set goals. Just surviving today so that you can do it all again tomorrow is not a goal. Although, I too, have been in that same exact place; it’s no way to live. Set your goals for your life and go after them.
If your life is boring or has no direction, then set some direction to your life. Know where you are heading. Know how you plan on getting there. Don’t let others just pass you by in life. Not that it is a race or competition, but make the most of the life that God has given you. Stretch yourself, do something that is impossible for you to do. If you can do everything you do then you aren’t trying enough. You have to go beyond you. God has you here for a specific reason; find that reason and go do it!

Easy living

July 7, 2009 Tuesday
When you find out that life doesn’t fight fair, but you resist the desire to give up and quit, that when life really begins. During this time of my life, I am finding that I am truly living. So many times I hear people at the end of their lives saying, I wish I had, I should have, I could have, I wanted to; but I never did. That is not life in my thoughts. I don’t think that life is just having a good time, only living for vacation and the weekends. It is in fact fulfilling your life’s plan. Then even hard work is a vacation. You don’t dread Monday’s, you love what you do.
Taking what life dishes out to us is necessary, but it’s what we do with what it dishes out. How do you look at it? Are we victims or victors? Don’t give up! Don’t quit! You can be victorious in life. You have what it takes. We just have to use what we have inside us.

Life

July 6, 2009 Monday
Life has a way of busting our chops. If you are trying to accomplish anything with your life, you will find that life will do all it can to stop you. Life will hit you and keep hitting you, even when you are down it continues to hit you. It is so unfair; life.
It is when life is giving you body blows that you really find out what you are made of. This is when you either give up and quit or you keep getting back up. Don’t you ever quit and give up! When life is treating you unfair; you keep getting back up, dust yourself off and keep fighting. If you stay down life will keep hitting you relentlessly. You have to decide to make a stand. Make up your mind that you will not give up, you will not throw in the towel. You have to stand your ground and make a difference.

Focus on...

July 5, 2009 Sunday
I am still on the focus thing today. We really need to focus on our strengths. Focus on the things that we do best. If something is a weakness; then let it go, unless it’s a character weakness. I will never be able to sing well, no matter how hard I work at it. So why would I focus on my singing? I need to focus on the things that I do well. I do focus on my poor people skills because that is a character weakness. That is something I have to work on. However, I focus most of my attention on my strengths. Don’t worry about the things you don’t do well, that is someone else’s area of strength. Work in your strong area that is what will bring you the greatest return, the greatest joy. Put your biggest effort in your best area. Work hard at it and also work smart at it. Focus on your strengths not your weaknesses.

4th of July

July 4, 2009 Saturday
Hope that everyone has a wonderful and fun 4th of July!!!!
What are you focused on right now? What has your attention? What occupies your mind and thoughts the majority of the time? Those are questions that I answer each day. I know that whatever we focus our attention on and think about will be what we move toward. Just like in sports you must be focused and concentrating on the ball or your opponent; whatever the case may be. Just like driving a car; if you focus on the middle line then you will move toward the middle line.
So what has your attention today? What do you focus on and think about? Those are the things that have a hold of you. Make sure that you are moving toward the right stuff and not a disastrous collision or off a cliff.

Direction = Destiny

July 3, 2009 Friday
Your intentions will never determine your destination. Many people have the best intentions but never get there. Your decisions will determine your destination. In other words, your direction or path will determine your destination. If you want to lose weight you may have great intentions but keep eating fast food then you won’t lose weight. You may want to reach your destiny but if you never use your gift/talent then you will never reach your destiny. Make sure you aren’t just talking about whatever it is you want to do, but you are taking action. Make sure you are going in the right direction. The world is full of good intentions but only those that turn intentions into actions get anything done. Don’t be afraid to step out in your gifted area.

What a place

July 2, 2009 Thursday
One thing I have been searching for is to be released to do what I do best. I have worked for various groups and organizations, but was never released to do what I really could do better than anyone. The key is that they didn’t know what I could do best. That is mainly an error on my part. The point is; release those with you, including yourself, to accomplish what they do best. Start with yourself; what are so good at? What is your passion? What do you do better than anyone? What were you put here to do? When you are doing that one thing, you are in the zone. Work places that do this have the highest retention of workers. They release people in their zone. Work in your strength area. If you find that you are constantly aggravated and frustrated at what you are doing, then it may be you are doing the wrong thing. Get in the zone! Find your niche and stay with it. There is no greater place to be.

I can't

July 1, 2009 Wednesday
It’s amazing how we sometimes let little things stop us dead in our tracks. Whether it’s fear of unknown or fear of failure, even insecurities, which all are tied together with the fears. One phrase that I hear that I can’t stand is, “I can’t.” That one statement will stop great things from taking place. When we say “I can’t” we essentially are saying that what God intended on us doing, what He put us here to do, we aren’t able, in other words, God was wrong. Don’t give up and quit because you don’t think you can do something or another. It may take some time, practice, effort, hard work, and determination to get it done, but you can do it. We are too quick to judge ourselves on what we think or feel. You got to know you can do it. You have to know that it can be done and it can be done by you! Keep trying! Don’t quit! Never give up! You are more than able!!